Devotional: Breaking Trauma Bonds

“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” — John 8:36 (NKJV)

He hugged me and said, “I get your pain because I’ve gone through the same thing.” His embrace felt familiar, comfortable, and peaceful. My head rested on his shoulder as we connected through our past family and relationship experiences. I was confident things would be different with this one because he understood what it feels like to be hurt. That confidence faded when my cheek started to burn from the sting of his slap….

I shared a snippet of a real-life situation I experienced. At the time, you couldn’t tell me I was bonding with him because of recycled trauma. I honestly thought I had gotten rid of everything that resembled trouble, only to find myself being pulled back in.

Why was this happening to me?

Well, pain from your past blends with your present, forming unhealthy ties called trauma bonds. These bonds often form when cycles of hurt are mixed with moments of affection, leaving your soul in a state of confusion. You may love someone but feel connected or stuck in patterns of fear, guilt, or dependency because of how you bonded with that person. It becomes a cycle: hurting, hoping, holding on, repeating, and never truly healing as you open yourself up to new friendships, relationships, and situationships (life cycles).

God never intended for your identity or worth to be chained to cycles of trauma. His Word declares, “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage” (Galatians 5:1, NKJV). Trauma bonds are a type of yoke that keeps you tied to past hurts, pains, chaos, and destruction.

It’s important to know that God desires to free you from everything. Healing starts when you fully recognize that no human relationship should replace God’s position in your heart. It also involves understanding that no pattern of fear, manipulation, or brokenness should shape your identity in Christ. Embracing this truth allows true healing to unfold, freeing you from limiting cycles and reaffirming your worth and security in God's love.

While Jesus saved humanity from sin through His sacrifice, He also possesses the power to free individuals from anything that keeps them in bondage, whether it be addiction, fear, guilt, or other forms of captivity. Jesus bore all of our weight, wound, and bondage on the cross so we can live a life of peace and freedom in Him.

Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God does not overlook your broken places. He meets you there, and He replaces fear with love, despair with hope, and bondage with freedom. But you have to choose to let Him step into those areas of your life. When He does, He begins to untangle what the enemy tied you to. What once held power over you begins to lose its grip. In His presence, you are restored, strengthened, and made whole. The key element in this situation is that you must be willing to forgive, let go, renounce, and walk away from everything and everyone God shows you. Once He frees you, DON’T return to it because the enemy will try his best to make it 100x harder for you to be released again.

Yes, there will be challenging moments when you may feel like giving in or reconsidering your choices. However, it’s important to remember that in your times of weakness, God’s strength will uplift and guide you. You are never truly alone in this journey; God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are by your side, offering comfort, wisdom, and support at every turn. Trust in their presence, and take each step forward with faith, knowing that you are surrounded by love and divine assistance.

Biblical Life-Coaching Style Self-Evaluation Exercises

Take time with these questions—pray, reflect, and journal honestly before the Lord:

1. What relationships or memories do I feel tied to, even though they cause me pain?
2. How have I confused unhealthy attachment with genuine love or godly connection?
3. Do I believe I deserve freedom and healing, or do I feel unworthy of being free? What causes me to feel worthy or unworthy?
4. What lies from the enemy have I believed that keep me stuck in cycles of fear or guilt?
5. How does John 8:36 (“…you shall be free indeed”) speak to my situation right now?
6. In what ways have I depended on others for identity, instead of God?
7. What are the triggers or patterns that pull me back into unhealthy bonds?
8. How can I invite God into my past wounds so that He can begin to untangle them with His love?
9. What healthy boundaries can I set to protect my heart and walk in freedom?
10. How can I utilize prayer, fasting, and God’s Word to combat old cycles when they resurface?
11. Who is a safe, godly person I can talk to about my healing journey (mentor, counselor, trusted friend)?
12. How can I begin to replace the cycle of pain with habits of praise, worship, and Scripture declaration?

Prayer

Father, I come before You in the name of Jesus, laying down every unhealthy attachment, every wound, and every cycle of bondage. Your Word says that if the Son sets me free, I am free indeed, and I receive that freedom today. Heal the broken places of my heart. Cut every chain that keeps me tied to fear, manipulation, guilt, or shame. Surround me with Your love and remind me of my worth in You. Give me the courage to set healthy boundaries, the wisdom to recognize Your truth, and the strength to walk away from anything that keeps me from Your best. Thank You for being my Deliverer, my Healer, and my Refuge. In Jesus’ name, Amen.